Hissy Fit Chapter Three

[dysonrules]

Chapter Three of probably ten or so chapters.

Title: Hissy Fit
Rating: NC17
Warnings: Even more hissing.
Summary: Harry and Draco go to Hogwarts.


The Beginning - Hissy Fit - Chapter 1

 Chapter Three

            Harry walked easily through the village.  It was far too early for most of Hogsmeade’s businesses to be open, so the place was quiet and nearly empty of pedestrians.  The sole exception seemed to be the bakery.  Several wizards entered and exited the doors and the delightful scent of sweet baked goods reached Harry’s nose.

            Pastries, Potter.  I need pastries.  And decent tea.  I’ll bet they make fine tea there, unlike that swill they concoct at the Ministry.

            “Snakes do not eat pastries and they do not drink tea,” Harry said in irritation.  “Besides, was it not you that said ‘time is money’ not five minutes ago?”

            I’ll pay you to stop and buy me a cup of tea.  Come on, your oafish friend is likely not even awake yet.

            “I’ll buy you a bloody cup of tea if you promise not to hiss at me for at least an hour.  That means no talking whatsoever.”

            The snake’s tail twitched in what Harry thought was quite a petulant manner.  Harry paused near the shop door to allow the heavenly scents to tempt the irritating viper.

            No deal, Potter.  But rest assured, I shall get you for this.

            Harry rolled his eyes.  “For the love of Merlin,” he snarled.  He stalked into the shop and ordered a cup of tea and a croissant.  “How do you plan to eat it now, you unmitigated prat?”

            Find somewhere secluded for me to change back, of course.

            Harry felt like tearing at his hair, but his hands were full of pastry and tea.  In the end he stomped up to the Shrieking Shack and cast a few spells until the door gave and allowed entry.

            Malfoy changed back the instant they were inside.  “Are you mad, Potter?  Don’t you know this place is haunted?”

            “It hasn’t been haunted for a very long time,” Harry said as he handed his purchases to the hungry blond.  His eyes sought the stairs and he felt a familiar twinge of sadness when he remembered the night they had discovered Sirius.

            “Well, haunted or not, it’s filthy,” Malfoy said with a sniff before gulping at his tea in a rather un-patrician fashion. He made a moaning sound of pleasure that drew Harry’s surprised gaze.  “Excellent tea.  The croissant is a bit dry, but one cannot have everything, I suppose.”

            Harry rolled his eyes.  He doubted anything would satisfy the blond.  “Shall we take the secret way to Hogwarts?” Harry asked.  He decided it wouldn’t matter whether or not he showed Malfoy the passage beneath the Whomping Willow; as a snake Malfoy would have easy access to Hogwarts whenever he chose.

            The grey eyes snapped to Harry’s.  “What secret way?”

 

            The passage was even more root-bound than Harry remembered, and several sections seemed about to come down and seal the passage forever.  Malfoy lasted little more than a few minutes before the litany of complaints began.

            “Well, this certainly explains a lot,” he said peevishly.  “Is this how you got to Hogsmeade the time you threw things at me from under the cover of your little cloak?”

            “No,” Harry admitted.  “That was a different way.”  He batted at a thick patch of spider webs and shook his hand to dislodge several of the crawling residents.

            “Absolutely not,” Malfoy said.  “I am not going down there and getting spiders in my hair.  Why did you insist on taking this filthy, dark, horrifying route, Potter?  You chose it to annoy me, did you not?  You are an evil, evil man.  For that, I will allow you to carry me.”

            Harry turned back, but the blond had vanished.  He raised his wand to see where Malfoy had gone and a slither of movement at his feet drew his attention.  The green viper twisted around his ankle and spiralled up to Harry’s knee.  Harry’s eyes widened in alarm as the snake climbed.  When the triangular head reached his thigh, Harry reached down and snatched the creature.

            “What are you doing?” he asked.  He tugged, but Malfoy refused to remove his tail from Harry’s leg.  The snake constricted rather painfully.

            Climbing.  What does it look like?  Bush Vipers are excellent climbers, you know.  Impressive, is it not?

            Harry might have been impressed if the idea of Malfoy crawling all over his body had not provoked some irrational thoughts.

            Let go.

            “You let go.”

            You’ll drop me.  I want you to carry me.

            “I’ll carry you if you shut up and stop complaining.”

            I’m not complaining, I’m merely pointing out the inadequacies of this route you have chosen.

            “This will get us there much quicker than standing at the front gates and waiting for admission.  Now let go.”  I’ll carry you, all right?

            Oh, I like it when you do that.

            “Do what?”

            Speak in Parseltongue.  I don’t have to translate your human speech.  It’s much easier.

            I’ll keep that in mind.  Harry hadn’t realized Malfoy had been converting his words into snake language.  He had not even noticed that Malfoy could understand him, an advantage an Animagus definitely had over a normal animal.

            The snake released Harry’s leg and he lifted Malfoy to drop the coils over his shoulders.  The viper quickly wrapped himself around Harry’s neck like a collar.

            Much better.  Wake me when we get there.

            Harry wasn’t sure if Malfoy actually fell asleep or not, but at least the bastard stayed quiet, so Harry enjoyed the silence until he popped his head out of the passage beneath the Whomping Willow.  He pressed the notch to stop the tree moving and looked around for stray students.  The coast seemed to be clear.

            Once free of the twitching branches, a quick spell released the stasis.  The tree thrashed angrily and Harry waved at it before making his way to Hagrid’s hut.  He knocked quietly, uncertain if Hagrid would be home or up at the castle having breakfast with the students.  A bellow answered the question.

            Harry opened the door and the huge man turned from the fireplace with a gigantic kettle.

            “Harry!” he cried.  “Good to see you, boy!  Come in, come in!”

            The coils tightened around Harry’s throat.  Oh joy, we’re here.  Can he not speak in anything less than a shout?  Some of us are trying to catch up on our sleep.

            “Hello, Hagrid,” Harry said, ignoring the pest.

            “Sit and ‘ave some tea.  What brings you to Hogwarts?”

            Harry sat, but did not dare taste the tea Hagrid poured into a flagon-sized mug.  Merlin only knew what bizarre concoction Hagrid considered to be tea these days.  Instead he made a show of adding milk and stirring it carefully.

            “Actually, I came to talk to you about a case I’m working on.  I could use your help.”

            Hagrid sat down across from Harry with a pleased grin.  “My ‘elp, eh?  I’ll be glad ter ‘elp you, Harry.”

            Harry smiled.  “Great.  You see, someone has been smuggling magical creatures into Muggle pet stores.”

            Hagrid’s eyes widened and his grin vanished.  He lifted his mug and took a huge gulp before slamming it back on the table.  “Muggle pet shops, eh?”

            Harry nodded and pretended to drink.  The smell alone warned him away from even tasting the liquid.  “Yeah.  As you can imagine, some of the creatures are pretty dangerous to ordinary Muggles.”

            Yes, yes, the poor Muggles.  Get on with the questioning, Potter.  I don’t intend to be here all day listening to you make small talk.

            Harry scowled, but Hagrid leaned forward curiously.

            “Harry!  Yer got a pet!”

            “Erm… yes.  My new… companion.”

            Hagrid reached across the table excitedly.

            If one filthy finger touches me, Potter, I will bite you and you will die.

            Harry jerked back from Hagrid’s grasping hands with a yelp of alarm, raising his arms protectively over the evil snake.  Hagrid frowned at him.

            “He’s… ah… a bit twitchy,” Harry explained.

            Twitchy?  Harry sensed indignation in the hiss just before the coils nearly snuffed his airflow.  He tried to curl his fingers between the snake and his neck, but Malfoy was having none of it.

            He’s not touching you, damn it! Harry hissed in Parseltongue.

            The coils loosened, allowing Harry’s lungs access to air once more.  See that he doesn’t.

            Harry would have snarled at the viper, but Hagrid’s curious look prevented a lengthy rant.

            “Ye talking to him?” Hagrid asked.

            “Yes.  I’m telling him to behave,” Harry said, earning another squeeze, but by then his fingers had slipped between the scaled menace and his throat.  “And if he doesn’t act like a nice little serpent I’m going to turn him into a belt.”

            Malfoy’s hiss was not worth translating and Harry grinned at Hagrid.  “Anyway, enough about my new pet.  I’m here to see if you can help me.”

            Hagrid stood abruptly and shuffled to a nearby cupboard.  “Don’t see how I can help ye, Harry.”

            “As I mentioned, someone has been smuggling magical creatures into Muggle pet shops.  I was hoping you could give me some idea where someone would go to purchase such creatures.  Where do you acquire the animals you use for your classes?  I never really asked you about that.”

            Such as hippogriffs?  Stupid oaf bringing such vicious beasts into a school.  He should be—

            Hagrid interrupted the peevish hissing.  “Ministry approved sources, o’ course,” Hagrid said quickly.

            Did that sound dodgy to you, Potter?  It sounded dodgy to me and I’m not a trained Auror.

            “I’m not investigating you, Hagrid, I’m trying to find out where a smuggler might go to get these creatures.  I seriously doubt he is out combing caves for fire crabs.”

            “I don’t know, Harry.”

            Ask him where he got the dragon in our first year.

            I already know that, Harry replied.  He won’t be using that source again.

            “Talkin’ to your pet, Harry?  What’s ‘is name?”

            Harry was stumped for a moment.  “Fluffy,” he blurted.

            Fluffy?  I should bite you for your sheer stupidity.  Snakes are not called Fluffy!

            “Fluffy, eh?  I remember my Fluffy,” Hagrid said in a reminiscing tone.  “Professor Dumbledore made me send him back to Gringotts.  I still miss him.”

            Harry remembered the three-headed dog with a start.  Gringott’s—he had never known where Hagrid had acquired Fluffy, but it made sense.  The dog was likely guarding someone’s vault, now.

            Hagrid said suddenly.  “Look at the time!  I got me first class to get ready for.  Sorry, Harry, can we talk later?”

            “Sure, Hagrid.  I’m going to go up and see Ron and Hermione.  If you think of anything that might help, let me know, okay?”

            Harry went out and Malfoy made an unsnakelike sound that resembled a snort.  That was productive.  You know he’s hiding something, don’t you?

            “Yeah.  I plan to ask Hermione what sort of creatures he is teaching with this year.  He definitely knows more about questionable sources than he’s letting on.”

            Harry opened the front door of the castle and stepped inside.  Students milled here and there, mostly exiting the Great Hall where the morning meal was likely nearly over.  Several students stared at Harry and an excited whisper rustled through the hall.

            Oh joy, the celebrity is recognized.

            “Shut up, Malfoy.”

            “Harry!”  The loud cry was all-too-familiar and Harry groaned.  He turned reluctantly to see Colin Creevey hurrying forward.  The ever-present camera hung from his neck.  “Oy, Harry, what brings you here?”

            Look, Potter, your own personal fanboy.  Too bad snakes can’t vomit.

            Colin had not waited for Harry’s response.  “Hey, can I take your picture, Harry?  What’s that you’re wearing?  A green collar?  That’s new.  I haven’t seen that before.  Newest thing in fashion?”  Colin raised the camera and snapped several pictures in succession.

            Collar.  Malfoy’s amusement was unmistakable.  I guess that means I own you, eh, Potter?

            Harry did not dare reply, even in Parseltongue, lest Colin go off on yet another tangent.  “Colin, stop with the pictures, please.  I’m just visiting Ron and Hermione.  Why are you here?”  The Auror in him forced the question, though he preferred to escape Colin completely.

            “Taking class photos!  I’ll be here all week.  You staying long?  Maybe we could have lunch together.  I’d say breakfast, but I just ate and I’ve got my next shoot in a few minutes.”

            “Um… I’m not planning to stay long, Colin, but it was good to see you again.”

            “Yeah, we should get together, Harry!  Maybe you can come for dinner.”

            Harry sidled away as quickly as he could.  Snakes should not have been able to laugh, but Malfoy was doing a passable imitation of it.  His scales tickled Harry’s neck.

            “Sounds good, Colin, see you later!”

            Harry bolted, heading upstairs to find the Muggle Studies classroom.

            Maybe you should go out with Creevey, Potter.  He seems to like you.  Perhaps he’s more your type than the females you’ve been seeing.

            “Shut up, Malfoy,” Harry said again.  It was becoming automatic.

            No, really.  You seem to favour blonds, so—

            “What?  I do not!”

            You haven’t noticed?  I certainly have.  In fact, I made a list—

            “You did what?” Harry asked, stopping in the middle of the hallway and causing several students to look at him curiously.  Brilliant.  Harry Potter wandering the halls of Hogwarts shouting to himself.  That would probably be in the Daily Prophet tomorrow, judging by the smirks on the faces of a few passing Slytherin students.

            I made a list.

            Why would you do that? he demanded, switching to Parseltongue.

            You obviously need some help, so I’m making a chart in order to assist you.

            A chart?  Look, Malfoy, I do not need you helping me with my love life.  Absolutely not.  In fact, I’d really prefer you not even thinking about it, all right?

            Are you going to see Granger now?  I want to see if that horrific shrub she calls hair is still as bad as ever.  It’s a pity she shrank her beaver teeth back to size, I rather enjoyed that look on her.

            Harry reached up and unwound the snake from around his neck.  He draped Malfoy unceremoniously over the arm of a nearby statue.  “How about if you stay right here and wait for me so that I won’t want to hex you into something even more unpleasant than you are right now?”

            With that, Harry continued down the hall and entered Hermione’s classroom.

 

            She looked up from her desk in surprise.  “Harry!”  She got to her feet and hurried to embrace him.  He grinned as he squeezed her.  “It’s been so long!”

            “Yeah, with both you and Ron working at Hogwarts, it’s harder to get together, you know.”

            “We should still make an effort.  It’s not like Ron and I have to spend all our time here.  How about if we meet you for dinner next Saturday?  I miss you terribly and Ron is going spare with no one to talk Quidditch with.”

            “That sounds perfect,” Harry said and realized that he had missed his friends, too.

            “What brings you here?” she asked.  “I doubt it was loneliness that drove you all the way to Hogwarts.”

            “Well, no, but I am glad to see you.  I actually came to talk to Hagrid, even though that was something of a waste.”

            He sat on the edge of her desk and explained the situation with the magical creatures.  She choked at his descriptions of Malfoy and his never-ending complaints.

            “That’s rotten of Kingsley to saddle you with him, it really is.”

            “Yes, well, I suppose that’s why he’s the Minister.”

            She tugged at his hand.  “Let’s go see Ron.  His first class doesn’t start for an hour.  I’ll see what I can find regarding sources for magical creatures, although it’s a bit worrisome that Hagrid is being close-mouthed.  I confess I haven’t paid much attention to his classes.  He seems to be fascinated with mine, however.  He sits in on sessions whenever he can.”

            Harry blinked at her.  “He does?  Hagrid never struck me as the type to be all that interested in Muggles.”

            She shrugged.  “Perhaps he’s just bored, since Olympe returned to France to teach her own classes.  They see each other on weekends, but I know he misses her.”

            The halls were nearly empty of students, who had hurried to their first classes while Harry had filled Hermione in on his case.  He wasn’t supposed to talk about his cases, of course, but he had never kept anything from his friends and he wasn’t about to start now.  She laughed as they made their way to Ron’s classroom.  “Malfoy is a snake.  How fitting.”

            Harry nodded.  “He’s a really unusual snake.  He’s incredibly cute.”

            She looked at him curiously, perhaps sensing something in his tone he had not meant to convey.  Damn her for always picking up on every nuance.  Before she could question him, a very familiar scream met their ears.

            “Ron!” Hermione yelled and bolted, right behind Harry.  They flung open the door to Defence Against the Dark Arts to witness Ron hurling hexes at the floor.

            “What is it?” Hermione shouted.

            Harry cast a Shield Charm, immediately spotting it.  He raced over and scooped the hissing viper from the floor.

            What the hell are you doing? he demanded, echoing Ron’s bellow.

            “What are you doing, Harry?  That thing is dangerous!  It dropped on my bloody head when I walked in!  It could have killed me!”

            I was bored, Malfoy explained.  You were taking forever.

            So you thought you’d attack Ron?  He could have hurt you!

            I didn’t attack him, I was only—what?  You were worried about me?

            Harry looped the snake over his shoulders, ignoring the question to face Ron.

            “What did it say?” Ron asked.

            “Ron, this is Draco Malfoy.  He’s an Animagus and he was just… being Malfoy.”

            The redhead’s face darkened.  “Malfoy?”

            Oh fine.  Spoil all of my fun.

            I wish you would stop considering baiting my friends as a form of entertainment.

            Never happen, Potter.

            “Do I even want to know what he’s doing here?” Ron asked.  “And why the hell are you carrying him like that?  I mean—it’s Malfoy.”

            The snake curled itself familiarly around Harry’s neck and his tongue flicked out to touch the edge of his jaw.  Harry flushed at the touch.  Even though he was in snake mode, Ron was right, it was still Malfoy.  Stop that.

            Stop what?  You taste… sort of good, Potter.

            That statement evoked a response Harry did not care to analyse with Ron glaring at him suspiciously.  “Kingsley saddled me with Malfoy for awhile.  We’re just… visiting,” Harry admitted.

            Saddled?

            Harry reached up to pet the snake’s head, hoping to silence the indignant blond.  Shockingly, it worked.  Ron’s brows nearly disappeared into his red hair, but Harry’s glare warned him away from the obvious question.  Harry did not dare look at Hermione.

            “Um… so how’s Defence Against the Dark Arts going?” Harry asked quickly.  The coils around Harry’s neck loosened slightly and a hiss of contentment reached Harry’s ears.

            “Fine,” Ron said.  “Good, actually.  Much easier than fighting Death Eaters and running from You-Know-Who, that’s certain.”

            Harry grinned.

            Weasley teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts.  Now I’ve seen everything.  Harry’s fingers stilled and he scowled.  Don’t stop, Potter.  I like it.

            Harry tried not to think too hard about the impropriety of petting one’s partner, but he said, Only if you promise to be quiet while I’m talking to my friends.  The snake was silent for so long Harry thought his ploy was not going to work, but then a grumpy-sounding hiss issued from the viper.

            All right, but only if they don’t say anything too stupid.  I might not be able to resist.

            As he resumed stroking the Animagus, he reflected that he was spending an inordinate amount of time trying to bribe Malfoy into silence.

 

            Oddly, the soft touches seemed to put Malfoy to sleep.  He said nothing else through Harry’s conversation and even thereafter when Harry made his way through the halls to McGonagall’s office, hoping to use her Floo.  It was a long walk back to Hogsmeade and it would be nearly unbearable if Malfoy chose to wake up and engage in conversation.  The quiet was shattered as soon as the rumbling began, revealing the staircase.  Hermione had given Harry the password and he quickly took the steps to the Headmistress’s office.

            Where are you going now, Potter?  Are we going to spend all day jaunting about the school?  I thought we were supposed to be staking out pet shops etcetera.

            “We are, but you were right about Hagrid acting dodgy.  I want to warn McGonagall that he might be keeping another questionable pet.”  Unfortunately, McGonagall was not in attendance and Harry did not want to waste more time looking for her.  He jotted a quick note and left it on her desk with a mental note to check in with Hermione more frequently.  She and Ron had promised to keep an eye on the Care of Magical Creatures professor.  Ron had been terrified at the idea of another acromantula or dragon in Hagrid’s possession.

            “All right, Malfoy, we’re going.”

            Harry felt a strange lurch and then he was on the ground with his head between Malfoy’s thighs.  The Slytherin was sitting on his chest and his lower legs were trapped in Harry’s shirt.  Grey eyes blinked down at him in annoyed surprise, as though it were Harry’s fault.

            “What are you doing?” Harry demanded.  The blond moved his feet and Harry yelped as Malfoy’s boots scraped over his chest as he sought to escape.  “Damn it!  Can’t you at least get off me before you transform?  Change back!”  His eyes widened as Malfoy fell forward, apparently losing his balance.  The Slytherin’s crotch was suddenly a dark blur before Harry’s eyes.  Please don’t let McGonagall walk in and witness the most undignified moment of my life, Harry thought.

            “All right, Potter.”  The blond was suddenly a snake again and he slithered away from Harry before turning back into a human.  Or as human as Malfoys ever got, at any rate.  Harry glared at him.

            “I want to see my mother,” Malfoy said.

            Harry paused in the act of climbing to his feet and gaped at the blond.  “What?  What does that have to do with anything?”

            “We’re already in Scotland and she’s staying near Aberdeen.”

            “That doesn’t answer my question,” Harry said as he stood and patted the dust from his backside.

            “I just want to see her,” Malfoy said petulantly.

            Harry rolled his eyes.  “What about squandering Ministry funds and all that?”

            The silver eyes flashed.  “You visited your bloody friends on company time!”

            “All right, all right!” Harry said quickly.  He was definitely not in the mood to listen to another Malfoy diatribe regarding his misuse of time and resources.  “We’ll go see your mum.  But you get to come up with a reason in case Shacklebolt asks.”

            Malfoy smirked.

 

Hissy Fit - Chapter 4