Serious post today.

Isn't it amazing how perfectly clear things look at three o'clock in the morning?  This morning I had the most perfect revelation that it was time to GET THE HELL OUT and it did not even seem that difficult in those dark predawn hours.  This, of course, came on the heels of last week's 3 a.m. revelation that I would rather be dead than spend another moment in the company of the paranoid, uber-controlling, psychotic man I've wasted the last fifteen years of my life on.  Literally DEAD.  Which is a pretty good indication that the relationship is over, don't you think?

Of course, about 4:30 a.m. the light starts brightening the edges of some things and making shadows of other things and it suddenly doesn't seem at all simple anymore.  If I were alone, I'd pack a bag and be gone, but there is no way in hell I can leave my two kids with that creature, and of course the only people I can count on in this world live hundreds of miles away.

Thankfully, I don't give a bloody damn about any of the crap we've accumulated that he cares so much about.  He can have the fricking houses, cars, boats, dogs, furniture, and everything else.  I just want my kids to grow up knowing that they really can do whatever they put their minds to and the best way to do that is by taking charge instead of being a fucking doormat, right?

As long as I keep that thought in mind, maybe I can hang onto that 3 a.m. clarity long enough to get through this.

Cheryl

Serious post today.

Isn't it amazing how perfectly clear things look at three o'clock in the morning?  This morning I had the most perfect revelation that it was time to GET THE HELL OUT and it did not even seem that difficult in those dark predawn hours.  This, of course, came on the heels of last week's 3 a.m. revelation that I would rather be dead than spend another moment in the company of the paranoid, uber-controlling, psychotic man I've wasted the last fifteen years of my life on.  Literally DEAD.  Which is a pretty good indication that the relationship is over, don't you think?

Of course, about 4:30 a.m. the light starts brightening the edges of some things and making shadows of other things and it suddenly doesn't seem at all simple anymore.  If I were alone, I'd pack a bag and be gone, but there is no way in hell I can leave my two kids with that creature, and of course the only people I can count on in this world live hundreds of miles away.

Thankfully, I don't give a bloody damn about any of the crap we've accumulated that he cares so much about.  He can have the fricking houses, cars, boats, dogs, furniture, and everything else.  I just want my kids to grow up knowing that they really can do whatever they put their minds to and the best way to do that is by taking charge instead of being a fucking doormat, right?

As long as I keep that thought in mind, maybe I can hang onto that 3 a.m. clarity long enough to get through this.

Cheryl