Twitterporn

[dysonrules]

I know some of you are resistant to the addictive awesome that is Twitter, so I'm slowly compiling the conversation between Aurorsupreme and Slytherinsexgod. I'll be posting it in pieces because it's quite long. Hard to believe they have been chatting since April. Anyway, this is not a typical fic, as you have to read Twitter conversations from the bottom up in order to get the gist of what is being talked about. Therefore, you need to scroll ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM and start reading from there. Enjoy!

REMEMBER TO SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM!

PART II

slytherinsexgod Enjoy your take out, Potter.

slytherinsexgod I have no intention of sharing my "kinks" so that you may shower me with a litany of disgust. Unless you're angling for some experience?

 

Aurorsupreme Would you look at the time.. guess I'll have to wait to find out your dirty little secrets, ferret. How sad. NOT.

 

Aurorsupreme Oh you can't tell me you don't have some sort bizarre kink, Malfoy. Whips, chains, strawberry topping, orange marmalade? Please share.

 

Aurorsupreme What are you, twelve? *eyeroll* He made up for it with his renewable flower vases. They're doing quite well in the consumer market.

 

slytherinsexgod Handcuffs, eh? Rather brave of you to hand that tidbit of information over. Oh wait, Gryffindor, of course.

 

slytherinsexgod Has he made up for it using his own wand? *snickers*

 

Aurorsupreme As for the disposable wand fiasco - it seemed sound at the time and the inventor was a friend. He's since made up for it though.

 

Aurorsupreme Not nearly as amusing as the actual photos of you in green. Oh wait, 'retouched', right. They were right about me & the handcuffs tho.

slytherinsexgod Nice try, but you know I do my own investing. Your broker needs an Incendio after steering you toward that disposable wand fiasco.

slytherinsexgod *laughs* Oh the Quidditch Debauchery series. I had nearly forgotten how amusing it was to think of you wearing red lace panties and rouge.

 

Aurorsupreme I'm actually quite well invested. I could get you the name of my broker if that was a subtle cry for help.

 

Aurorsupreme Did they? I hadn't noticed. After the third "Night of Quidditch Debauchery" I was allegedly involved in I canceled my subscription.

 

slytherinsexgod You obviously know nothing about running a financial empire. I'm sure your Galleons are just sitting in Gringott's collecting dust.

 

slytherinsexgod Yes, but the bloody Prophet printed that he and I were involved in a torrid affair, you twat. That's why I brought it up.

 

Aurorsupreme Active sort? I'm surprised. I thought you'd want someone to lay about and eat bonbons with you. That IS what you do all day, isn't it?

 

Aurorsupreme Ah, yes. THAT Ministry Ball. I believe he hit on anything with two legs and a cock that night. Don't let it go to your head.

slytherinsexgod I don't recall that we were discussing personal preferences. However, I suppose I do like the active sort, not that it's your business.

slytherinsexgod Yes, I nearly had to cast an Imperius to get him away from me. The Prophet was right about him gagging for it, the disgusting vermin.

 

Aurorsupreme And since we've been discussing personal preferences. Do tell about YOUR ideal witch or wizard. Oh pompous one.

 

Aurorsupreme If it's not in the Quibbler, I don't believe it. And who the hell is Munch? The watchwizard? What about him? He's just creepy if you ask me.

 

slytherinsexgod They were retouched to mar the perfection, not enhance it. Idiot.

 

Aurorsupreme Retouched, eh? Yes, I thought your arse looked a little too pert to be believable. Pity, I was almost impressed.

 

slytherinsexgod I'm surprised to hear you admit your fanzine is fallible. Although they were nearly correct about Eric Munch at the Ministry Yule Ball.

 

slytherinsexgod Please, as if I would allow that rag to print photos of me. I sued them for those retouched monstrosities. Some Auror, not to know that.

Aurorsupreme And speaking of the Prophet, YOU'RE the one 'spreading yourself around'. Although they're known for getting their facts wrong.

 

Aurorsupreme I prefer tastefully done photography. An artfully draped sheet, partial Quidditch leathers. Unlike those risque photos of you in the DP

 

slytherinsexgod And playing for both teams? How altruistic to spread yourself around.

 

slytherinsexgod What do you consider to be a good shot, since you're deluding yourself into thinking I'd be interested?

 

Aurorsupreme Besides a nice arse the bloke (OR BIRD) would have to check their hero worship at the door. Despite what you think of me, I hate that.

 

Aurorsupreme You know you'd keep all of the good shots for yourself. Don't lie. And I seriously doubt Ginny would be interested... nevermind.

 

slytherinsexgod In your dreams, Potter, although it would amuse me to sell photos. Too bad the Weaslette could never afford them. Besides a nice arse...?

 

Aurorsupreme It takes more than a nice arse to part my sheets. And tell me, how long before you exhausted the Malfoy estate if I started stripping?

slytherinsexgod I don't see any Dark Lords these days. Perhaps you should take up stripping.

 

slytherinsexgod Too good to "fall into bed" with a fit bloke, eh? I'm rather curious about your standards.

 

Aurorsupreme And my photo isn't in there because I spend my time saving the wizarding world, not stripping for it.

 

Aurorsupreme #104's hair is too dark & too messy for my tastes. And just because I think he's fit doesn't mean I'd fall into bed with him.

 

slytherinsexgod Afraid to ruin your pristine reputation? Curse this 140 character limit.

 

slytherinsexgod Curious. I didn't expect you to admit it. #247 is not my type. Too blond. I prefer #104. Why isn't your photo in here?

 

Aurorsupreme If you need some bedtime wank material: WW #247 has the latest 'Aurors: Undressed' spread. Although I suspect you knew that already.

 

slytherinsexgod Enjoy your bedmate: Denial. *smirks* Night, Pothead.

Aurorsupreme Merlin, I say ONE Quidditch player is fit and suddenly the whole wizarding world has me figured out. Sweet dreams, prat

 

slytherinsexgod Whatever, Potter. I'm going to sleep now. Feel free to have poncy dreams about me. I am stunning, after all.

 

Aurorsupreme It was the only bookshop that carried what I was looking for. Short of having to travel to France. Egomaniac.

 

slytherinsexgod So soon? What are you talking about? I wonder that you chose a bookstore so extraordinarily far from your house while not stalking me.

 

Aurorsupreme Her NAME is Hermione. And I thought I saw someone who looked like you. But I figured you were too cowardly to show your face so soon.

 

slytherinsexgod *eyeroll* A gift for the Mudblood, eh? And you didn't see me at the bookshop? Liar.

 

AurorsupremeI was buying a birthday gift for Hermione. And who is stalking whom? I didn't even see you at the bookshop.

 

slytherinsexgod You seem to be the one stalking me. What were you doing at the bookshop today? You can't pretend to be reading.

· Aurorsupreme Actually that was my third post and wouldn't you love to know, Malfoy. Like to have your pervy little fantasies validated would you?

 

slytherinsexgod Well isn't that interesting? You bring up the word "poncy" in your first post. Repressed much, Potter?

 

Aurorsupreme You can't go five seconds without saying poncy words like "strokes" can you?

 

slytherinsexgod Oh there you are, Potty. Although I detest the word "follow", I'm sure it strokes your boundless ego.

 

Aurorsupreme Hmm, appears Malfoy is using this. I wonder what he has to say - for purely work-related, investigative reasons.

slytherinsexgod Twitter. We shall see. Now, to see if that idiot Potter is on here...

Aurorsupreme Long day at work.  Off to take a bath and maybe grab a butterbeer.

And yes, I am slytherinsexgod and byaghro is Aurorsupreme...