dysonrules | LOPW - Round Four

This one wasn't pretty, due to the three extra prompts I earned for going so far over word limit last time. But I shall not go down without a fight!!!

Take that,

lilith1631 And stop poking me with that quill! It's leaving a mark.

Title: Colin's Revenge
Author:

dysonrules
Genre: Humor
Words: 1999 (Woo, I only earned one penalty this time!)
Summary: Colin is tired of being ignored by Harry. He has a plan for revenge that involves an unsuspecting Slytherin.

Evil promptage for this one: plastic skeleton, handmade red candle, bucket hat, newborn kitten
And three penalty prompts: 2 Euro Coin, Durex Play Spray, foot phobia

The battle thus far:
Rules
Round One dysonrules and lilith1631
Round Two dysonrules and lilith1631
Round Three dysonrules and lillith1631

Colin’s Revenge

Colin sat quite despondently on the front steps of Hogwarts, nursing his 72^nd rejection by Harry Potter. Not that Harry Potter had done it intentionally. Harry Potter never did anything to Colin intentionally. That was the problem. Everything Harry Potter said, and everything Harry Potter did in regards to Colin was unintentional. Absent greetings, accidental bumps, gazes that swept past Colin with barely a hint of acknowledgment… Colin was tired of it. The luster had gone from his worship of Harry Potter.

He sat on the steps instead of watching the Slytherin-Gryffindor Quidditch match. He had refused to watch it on principal, and instead sat flipping a 2 Euro coin into the air. He spotted the dark head of Harry Potter walking from the Quidditch pitch next to Ron Weasley. Ron certainly wasn’t ignored by the great Potter. Colin looked at his coin speculatively.

“Heads I will make Harry Potter sorry for treating me like shite. Tails I will forget Harry Potter ever lived.”

The coin spun into the air, carrying the fates of two unsuspecting students with it. Colin caught it on the reverse trip and slapped it to his arm. Heads.

Harry Potter paused on the bottom step as he was jostled aside by an angry flash of black and green.

“Step aside for your betters, Potter,” Draco Malfoy snapped. Harry Potter was instantly energized. He straightened, he glared, and Colin read tension in every line of his body. Harry Potter certainly did not treat Draco Malfoy with indifference.

And Colin’s wicked plot for revenge was born.

Harry was eating breakfast when a small body planted itself between him and Ron. Harry smiled absently at Colin Creevey, who leaned forward conspiratorily.

“I heard something yesterday. From a very reliable source. A bloke in Slytherin fancies you. A lot.”

Harry’s eyes flicked to the Slytherin table with a frisson of panic. He looked at Malfoy, who was not even glancing at Harry. He sighed in relief.

“I’m not into blokes, Colin,” he said dismissively.

Colin shrugged. “Well, in case you’re curious, he’ll be carrying a skeleton into Potions today,” he whispered. He winked at Harry and left.

Draco was nearly bowled over by an idiot Gryffindor Potter fanboy. Before he could hex the git, a life-sized plastic skeleton was thrust at him. The boy—one of the moronic Creeveys—panted. “Dumbledore… told me to tell you… to give this back to Snape.”

“I am not Dumbledore’s errand boy,” Draco snarled, but Potter’s fanboy had bolted. Luckily for him, Draco had not made up his mind whether rabbit ears or antennae would look better adorning his head. Draco sauntered into Potions and launched the skeleton at Snape’s desk. It promptly slid off the desk and into Snape’s chair. Draco shrugged and went to his seat.

On the way, he sent an absent sneer in Potter’s direction, but he stopped short at the look on Potter’s face. It resembled… damn, it looked like Potter had been poleaxed. He stared at Draco with a mixture of shock and… well who cared?

Draco ignored the gaping Gryffindor. Snape stormed into the room and glared at the skeleton. “What is this?” Snape demanded, but Draco ignored him, too. He could take it up with Dumbledore.

Harry parked himself against the wall after Potions. His mind was reeling. Draco Malfoy fancied him? It seemed insane, but the more he thought about it, the more sense it made. The biting comments, the threats, the brutal shoves in the hall—Malfoy was trying to conceal his true feelings!

For the first time in his life, Harry felt a wave of pity for the Slytherin. It must be horrible to fall for your worst enemy. No wonder Malfoy was always so angry.

Colin lurked in the hallway. He wore a bucket hat that was two sizes too large, in order to conceal his features. Over that, he wore a nondescript black cloak. He grinned happily at the sight of Harry Potter leaning against the wall, looking shocked and dismayed.

It was time for Phase Two.

Draco was on his way to Herbology when a black cloaked figure in a ridiculous white hat bumped into him. A note was shoved into Draco’s hand and then the person blended into the crowd. Well, actually, the white hat stuck out like a seagull in a flock of crows, and Draco watched until it rounded a corner out of sight. He opened the note.

A certain Gryffindor bloke fancies you. He will have a red candle in Herbology today. Thought you might want to know. A friend.

Draco sneered. A friend. Ha! None of Draco’s friends would be caught dead in such an idiotic hat, even as a disguise. It was likely some Hufflepuff’s idea of a joke. The idea of a bloke fancying him was of little concern. Most people fancied Draco, male and female alike. It was inevitable.

He incinerated the note and went to class.

Harry was nearly late for Herbology again. He pelted across the grounds and was almost knocked over by Colin Creevey, who latched onto him.

“Harry! I need you to do me a favor! It’s terribly important!”

Harry tried to shake him off. “I’m already late, Colin.”

Colin pressed something into his hand. “I just need you to set this next to the juniper bonsai and light it! It has to be done today, or I’ll have horrible luck for the rest of the week. It’s part of a counter-curse! Promise me you’ll do it, Harry!”

Harry wanted to argue, but knew the fastest way to be rid of Colin was to agree.

“Fine, Colin. I promise. I’ll light it next to the juniper bonsai.”

Colin smiled happily and released him. Harry ran, and made it to class in the nick of time. He breathed a sigh of relief and looked at the object Colin had given him. It was a lumpy red candle with a lopsided wick, probably homemade. Harry rolled his eyes, but a promise was a promise. He walked to the juniper bonsai and set down the ugly candle. He lit it with a spell. As he did so, his eyes flicked over and met Malfoy’s. The Slytherin was staring at him so intently Harry felt himself blush. A sharp comment was on his lips, but he suddenly found it hard to say something scathing. Malfoy suffered from unrequited love, after all. Instead, Harry gave him a small, sad smile. Malfoy looked like he’d been slapped.

Harry found himself exchanging several long, searching looks with the Slytherin during Herbology, and when the red candle ignited the juniper bonsai, causing instant pandemonium, neither of them noticed.

Draco was stunned. Harry Potter. The very last person on Draco’s list of suspects. Stupid Hufflepuff and his stupid bloody joke. Draco would have revenge. And then Potter lit the candle and his eyes met Draco’s, and the git blushed—actually blushed. Draco felt his jaw sag open in astonishment, and then Potter smiled at him. A tiny, somewhat sad smile that seemed to hint of the deep sorrow of unrequited love.

Bloody fucking hell. The bucket hat-wearing Hufflepuff had been right. Harry Potter fancied him. The more he considered the idea, the more obvious it seemed. No wonder Potter rejected Draco at every turn. His constant defensive animosity was easily explained, now. He was ashamed of his desire for Draco.

Draco felt something foreign to his nature. So alien it took him long moments to identify it. Aha! It was pity. He felt sorry for the bloody Gryffindor—in love with the one person at Hogwarts he could never have. It was a crying shame.

Draco went to study in his usual private spot, but halted in shock when he saw it occupied. He marched forward to hex the offender, and froze when he saw it was Potter. Potter, usurping his personal, private spot!

Well, it was large enough for two, he supposed. It was a huge, wall-like ledge between two pillars, screened from view by thick bushes.

Draco sat down, ignoring Potter completely. He opened his scroll and tried to read, but found himself distracted by the Boy Who Lived a meter away. Potter had a quill and kept brushing it annoyingly over his lower lip.

A Weasley suddenly occupied the space next to Draco, swinging his bare feet up to hog the majority of the seating area. He clutched something furry and mewling. Draco launched himself sideways in horror.

“Bloody hell, Weasley! Your feet are bare! And filthy! Can’t afford shoes at all now? Ew, you nearly touched me!”

Potter spoke, and his voice was astonishingly close. Draco realized he had nearly thrown himself into Potter’s lap in order to escape the taloned hooves of the Weasel.

“What’s wrong, Malfoy? Do you have some sort of foot phobia?” Potter’s voice was abnormal. Light and teasing, instead of scathing and angry. His shoulder pressed into Draco’s back and their thighs were touching.

“When said foot is attached to a Weasley, then yes, I do have a foot phobia.”

He wondered how to extricate himself from Potter’s warm, nice-smelling presence.

Harry grinned at George, who said, “Crookshanks had kittens. Aren’t they adorable? Want one, Harry?” He held up the cuddly ball of ginger fluff.

“Kittens? I thought Crookshanks was male. And fat.”

“Wrong on both counts,” said George. “Hey, Hannah! Fancy a kitten?”

George scurried off, and Harry found himself alone with Draco Malfoy.

“Er… you can move back now.”

Malfoy scowled. “This is my personal, private study spot. I think you should leave.”

“I was here first,” Harry protested.

“It’s my spot and I’m not moving.”

“Well, neither am I.”

Harry smoothed his paper with one hand—because the other was firmly trapped between Malfoy’s back and the wall—and began to read. Malfoy huffily opened his scroll and appeared to ignore Harry completely.

Harry began to feel quite warm, even though it was nice and cool in the shade of the wall. He found himself looking at Malfoy, studying the fine edge of his jaw, and marveling at the color of his hair. He realized his hand was curved over the edge of Malfoy’s hip.

“Your hair looks very nice today,” Harry said abruptly, and then thought about Crucioing himself for mentioning it.

Rather than snarling at him, Malfoy tipped his head back slightly and looked at Harry.

“Well, yours is atrocious, as usual, and your fashion sense is horrifying beyond reason, but… youhaveareallynicesmile,” Malfoy said quietly. “Not that it means anything, mind you, because I am certainly not—”

Harry decided the best way to shut the Slytherin up was to kiss him. So he did. After an hour of delightful snogging that ended with them on the ground beneath the bushes, Harry thought of a better use for the Durex Play Spray stuffed under the mattress of his bed. It would probably be a lot more fun to use it on someone other than himself.

He mentioned it wickedly to Malfoy, and they mowed down everyone in their path on their way to Gryffindor tower, oblivious to the looks of astonishment.

Colin was quite put out when the first rumors of the Potter-Malfoy romance reached his ears. They were supposed to kill each other, damn it. But when he saw the dreamy look on Harry Potter’s face at breakfast, and when Draco Malfoy patted Colin on the head rather than turn him into a radish in the hall, he thought maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing. In fact, Colin could be the best matchmaker in history. If he could get Malfoy and Potter together, he could get anyone together!

Yes, indeed… how about that water buffalo Bulstrode in Slytherin? Wasn’t she eyeing that scrawny Hufflepuff lad the other day…?