May. 22nd, 2012

dysonrules: (Default)
Is the part in red correct?

“...I loosed an arrow that did little damage.  The bow is not my best weapon, and my whip...” she lifted a length of leather he had seen coiled at her hip, “is not much use against a lion.”

If "she" is capitalized it looks wrong.  Anyone?  Alternatives?  I know I could rewrite the damn thing with the action at the end, but I like the visual of her pausing in the midst of the comment.  Help me, Obi Wan!

/Leia impersonation

(I really can coil my hair into donuts over my ears.  It's fun!)

MORE RECS COMING SOON, I PROMISE!

EDIT:  You guys are awesome!  I'm going with:  “...I loosed an arrow that did little damage.  The bow is not my best weapon, and my whip—” she lifted the length of leather he had seen coiled at her hip, “—is not much use against a lion.”

May 2015

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